39 Turning Pain into Purpose: Navigating Grief & Vulnerability

"Say your loved one's name every day. Keep their spirit alive. Because if you don't, they die twice."

In this deeply moving solo episode, Coach Rodo opens up his heart and shares a raw, vulnerable look at processing grief, handling loss, and finding unexpected communities of healing. Coming up on the anniversary of his brilliant brother D'Aneo's passing—an incredibly smart inventor with a massive heart—Rodo discusses what it truly means to carry the weight of losing someone you love. 

Rodo reflects on how his wife’s new passion for line dancing unexpected led to a profound connection. Through her dance community traveling from Kalamazoo to Detroit and Phoenix, she met a mother named Erica who is navigating the worst pain imaginable: the loss of her 23-year-old son. 

Dedicated to Erica and anyone carrying the silent burden of a broken heart, Coach Rodo breaks down the stigma around showing male vulnerability, why crying isn't a sign of weakness, and why we must continue to speak the names of those we've lost. This episode is a powerful reminder that while nobody can tell you how to feel, you don't have to carry the pain alone.

#CoachRodo #WinningRegardless #GriefSupport #HandlingLoss #MentalHealthMatters #Brotherhood #Vulnerability #KeepingLegaciesAlive #LineDancingCommunity #HealingJourney #overcomingpain 

(00:00) - The Double Loss: Why saying a loved one's name keeps their spirit alive.
(02:15) - Remembering D'Aneo: Honoring a brilliant inventor with a massive heart.
(05:00) - Finding Unexpected Community: How a line dancing class opened doors to healing.
(07:45) - Shared Pain: Connecting with Erica and honoring the loss of her 23-year-old son.
(10:30) - Beyond the Sidelines: Reaching coaches, parents, and everyday people through real stories.
(13:15) - The Power of Vulnerability: Breaking down the stigma of shedding tears and showing emotion.
(16:00) - A Message for Erica: Finding the inspiration to push forward through the darkest days.
(18:30) - Final Thoughts: Relying on faith and each other to win regardless of life's heaviest setbacks.

Transcript

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Say your loved one's name every day. Keep their spirit alive. Because if you don't, they die twice. Think about my brother. Tell people about him. He was an inventor. Very smart. Very smart young fella. Man, this heart was the biggest. This lady lost her son. I think he was a 23-year-old man, uh young fella, and um Mother's Worst Pain. All right, thank you for uh tuning in into another edition of Coach Rado's Winnie Regardless podcast. Um, with it coming up on the anniversary of my brother's passing, which is later, you know, to be on in Memorial Day, uh, I wanted to do one because um my wife, about maybe four or five months ago, maybe even longer than that, um wanted to decided she wanted to learn how to do some line dancing. And um, you know, so she's found this line dancing class that goes on in Kalamazoo, and you know, and it's a community. She goes to Detroit. We were just in Phoenix. She went to the American Legion in Phoenix and did it. I mean, we're going up to Detroit to the national one. I mean, she took, she just took to it, just loves it. And, you know, when you do things like this, the only people that you really think that you reach are, you know, kids that you're trying to coach, kids who need coaching, kids who need to hear it, um, you know, or coaches that want to hear it or listen to your opinion or, you know, make their own remarks and, you know, let their opinions be heard and be known. But um, in my wife's dancing, there's this young lady in there, her name is Erica, and I don't know her last name. Um, but my wife came to me one day and was like, uh, man, Rodney, uh, your podcast that you did the one time on grief, um, Erica really loved it. She said, because this lady lost her son. Um, I think he was a 23-year-old man, uh young fella, and um mother's worst pain. And, you know, she came up to me and when I went to one of their little dance things and introduced herself, and you know, she got to tell me in her own words what hearing what I had to say about grief and in my podcast, what it really meant to her. Um, because people were telling her, you know, how to grieve. And people were telling her how she should feel and she'll get over it. And she said it was just refreshing to hear another person who felt like her. Um, you never fucking get over it. I'm sorry. Excuse my language, never get over it. And she said she felt good hearing that. Um, she said she I felt good hearing somebody say, don't let someone else tell you how you should grieve about your loved one, you know, because your grievance comes upon is dependent on how much you cared about that lover and what that loved one meant to you. Um, you know, and to have this woman come up to me and say that hearing my words about how I felt about my grief with my brother was how she was feeling, also touched me as well. Uh it let me know that I wasn't alone. I went from this lady not feeling alone because she heard what I had to say, to her coming up and talking to me, telling me that what I said to her makes her feel is actually how she felt and what she wanted to say, just didn't know how to say it. Let me know that I wasn't alone and feeling that way, you know. And it's always easy to give out advice, you know. Um, but when you and a person have shared something that's, you know, a tragedy like that, it's it's it it kind of makes you feel okay if uh someone grieves in the same way that you do about it, because not everyone grieves the same. You know, um my father, for instance, tells me I I can't even go to his grave because he does not want to accept. He can't accept that my brother's not here anymore. And I understand, I get it. You know, because it was hard for me. Um, and I still haven't. I still can't, because like I said, he was the love of my life. Um but my father's grieving differently, and I can't fault him for not grieving the way that I grieve. I can't, I don't I don't know if my father even has a picture of my brother in the house. Because I don't know, you know, that that memory of him might be too painful, but I can't not have a picture of Daniel in my house. Um because not having him as a memory would be even more painful for me. Um I think about my brother, uh uh, you know, tell people about him. He was an inventor. Very smart, very smart young fella. Uh man, his heart was the biggest and the funniest thing that I love is I used to, I haven't in a while, but I used to post his birthday on um Facebook, and all of our friends, every single one of them, I would have about 150 comments in every single one of them. That dude had an infectious smile. Love that dude's smile, always smiling. That's what he brought to people. Because he was. He was always smiling, he always seemed happy. And I missed that. Um I told you it hits me every once in a while, especially when I talk about it. Um, you know, uh again. Doing this one was gonna be kind I was trying to avoid it um because I didn't want these emotions to come to the surface in this manner in which it is, but you know, they say it's alright for people to see having that type of emotion. Um this lady, you know, again, not even knowing each other, wouldn't even know her had she not been in my wife's um dance class. Had my wife not taken up this dance class, I wouldn't have met someone who, again, felt the same exact way that I did about her grief. She has her son's name tattooed all over her. Um she caused it, she said that uh she felt when I said that, you know, if you don't call their name out, they die twice. She said she felt that. She said she um took that to heart because she always called out his name because she said that she always felt that if she didn't, he would feel that she forgotten him. And she never wanted him to feel that. She never wants him to feel that, even in the spirit world. She doesn't want him to ever feel that he's forgotten her or that she's forgotten him. So like just like I call out my brother Donnell's name, she calls out his name. Uh, you know, it's uh this grief is um it's a real thing, you know, and and it's a hard thing. It it it it uh it it challenges you to um look within yourself and and and and see if if if if you know if you really are human in some aspects of your life. You know, it teaches you what really means the most to you. You know, it it lets you know that, you know, it never again, I like I said, it never fuck, it never goes away. It never goes away. It doesn't get better every day. It never gets better. This will be, I think, year 14. And it still feels like, like I said, last week, because it never goes away. You just learn to live with it. It doesn't get better, you don't get better. You just learn to live with it, you get stronger mentally, you get stronger, you never forget, you just, you know, try to live according to how that person would want you to live. You know, I I mean, my brother was a was a fun guy. Danielle was one of the funnest guys, again, because it his, I mean, his smile, he was a very, very fun guy. And and I know the one thing that he would want me to do is have fun with my life. Um, you know, do the things that I'm doing in my life. I do a lot of the things that I do in honor of him. He was big on, you know, not sitting around and if you got time, exercise. Do something. Get up and do 20 jumping jacks. You know, I I to this day, I still, even if I'm on vacation, I do something. You know, I hate to sit around, I'll go walk, I'll do my push-ups, I'll do jumping jacks, I'll do sit-ups, and you know, all in, all thinking of him. Because he always felt that time isn't meant to be wasted, even if it's on your physical being. You could always do something physical with your time to make your life healthier and better. And I I I always loved that about him. I always did, and and you know, you would always find him doing something, see him doing something, always, you know, find a group of kids not doing nothing at the park, line them up, and we're gonna do some jumping jacks, we're gonna do some push-up, you know, and then, you know, he the next day, them saying kids then brought two or three more kids, and just for them little 15 minutes of hanging out with him. I mean, that was Donnell. He was in, he would, he would invent, I tell you, he had the biometrics down before biometrics became a big deal. He was making the thoroughbans before they became a big deal because he made them with duct tape. He would make the duct tape and take the stretchy stuff and put it together and make a duct tape strap on each end. When I tell you that he was an inventor, this this guy could, I mean, he was a duct tape master. You know, he could he could make anything work with duct tape. I mean, our dad had this, you know, this Vista Cruiser, big old station wagon. And my brother somehow never even went to school for it or nothing. He just had an engineer's mind, somehow hooked up a big speaker to a walkman, and we had, you know, a big speaker in the car playing real loud with the the little wire going into the into the little headphone part of the walkman. And there was our, I mean, we was playing cassette taste because, you know, my dad only had an eight track in there. So, you know, I mean, this this guy, you know, Donnell was he was something else, you know. And, you know, in your time of grief, you know, it's okay to cry and it's okay to feel sad, but also you should feel happy. You know, grief is also can be happy because, you know, you you think of think of the good times that you had with that person. Um, you know, think of how how fun things were. Think of even when they weren't so fun, how, you know, you've you found a way to still be the relationship that you guys have. Me and my brother would have knocked down, drag out fights, fist. Dad didn't know about them because we always knew that, you know, if we got caught, if we if if our father found out we had gotten a fight, putting our hands on each other, we was in big trouble. But, you know, we would have those fights, you know. But uh 20 minutes later, it was like nothing happened because him and I had that love for each other. We were so competitive, but we also loved each other um, you know, tremendously. Um if he was here, he would probably say the same thing that I say about him. He was my best friend. He was the love of my life. Um when we met, like I said, we were inseparable. And still now we're inseparable. It'll never go nowhere for me. Ever. Because um, you know, I love to think about him and happy. His nephews look like him, you know, so that's a great thing. Um he was able to influence their lives. That was I'm I'm I'm very grateful for that. Um that he got to, you know, see his nephews and hang out with them, and you know, they know him, he knew them. Um yeah, it's it's it's hard. It's hard being without him, but I'm I'm really not, but in the physical sense, yes, but not in the mental or the spiritual because I still feel his presence every day. I still see his smile every day. I can hear his voice. I can hear the words that he teach me, and you know, um the him coming in. I made an I got a new invention for working out. You know, I I can still hear that he because that's what he always used to come and do. He would always come down to show me his new invention. And it was, and I would I would be like, man, you crazy. You is crazy, and especially now when I see people actually using the stuff that he was doing. And I'm thinking to myself, man, I was crazy. And it wasn't that I didn't believe in him, it was just I had never seen it. So it's it's just like anybody else or anything that you've never seen before. It's not that you don't believe it or believe in the person, it's just something that you can't comprehend because you never saw it. And I got a chance to see how these things that he did on a smaller scale have become have become big and that people use them. And I mean, heck, I got the bands in my bag. And I think all the time, my brother was the very first one to bring these. He used to try to get my sons in the garage, they would be in the garage using them. He would he would use them as guinea pigs for them, you know. And and and I remember those, you know. It's the good, bad, and the even times that, you know, you should try to that that that try to make your day go better. Um I just, you know, I I'm I'm missing. I'm missing. Um, and it shows, and especially this month, it's real hard for me. Um and I love him. Uh loved everything about him. You know, um if you so, you know, when you get to feeling bad, just remember, you know, grief is a part of life. Uh you'll never get over it, it'll never go away. Um, the pain is gonna always be there. Don't let nobody tell you that it's not. Again, I don't feel he's in a better place because if he was in a better place, he'd be with me right now and I wouldn't be crying. So I don't want to hear about that stuff. Because he's not, neither is your loved one. I don't care what your faith is, I don't care what you believe in, in your heart of hearts, you do not believe that your loved one, such as I, with my my brother, such as this lady with her son, believe that they're in a place better than being with you. It's impossible. Human mind doesn't work that way. At least mine doesn't. And I haven't met anyone who does. So it's okay. And it's okay to feel that way. Because nobody can tell you how to feel. No one can tell you how to feel, especially about a person that you love. And I'm not here to tell you how to feel. I'm just telling you how I feel. This, I'm just telling you how this lady feels who told me she feels exactly like I feel. And I'm pretty sure there's more of you out there who feel the same way. And I'm just letting you know that it's okay. It's all right. There's more of you out there, just like I found out there's more of me out there, which has allowed me to pretty much show a little bit of my feelings right here on the podcast with Tyranna. I mean, shit. I apologize to you guys for that. Because, you know, that's a vulnerability that no one really wants to show. But when I get to talking about this dude, my brother Danielle, you know, my love for him comes out, and I can't help it. So I just would like to thank you all for tuning in. Miss Erica, this one was dedicated to you because, again, uh, you and I share the same pain, share the same thoughts about the pain that we share. Um, I hope this video finds you well. Um, I hope it gives you more inspiration. And um, you know, remember, say your son's name every day. Say your loved one's name every day. Keep their spirit alive because if you don't, they die twice. Thank you for tuning in to Coach Rotto's Winning Regardless podcast. Have a great day.